Seth: Wow, I'm sorry. I should really learn to knock... in case, there's a threesome going on in the bathroom.

Marissa: I mean, what did I ever do to you?
Seth: Nothing, Marissa. I've lived next door to you forever and you've never done or said anything to me.
Marissa: Oh, my God, you're the one who never talks to me. You think you're so much better than everyone.
Seth: I do? Well, if you're talking about Luke, then yes, because that guy shaves his chest.

Luke: Shut up, queer.
Seth: Well, at least I don't shave my chest.
Luke: What'd you say?
Marissa: Luke, come on.
Seth: I just said you look nice in a sweater vest. It was a compliment.

Sandy: Since the minute you were born, I knew I would never take another easy breath without knowing that you were all right.
Seth: So I'm like asthma?

Seth: Dude, you're a Cohen now. Welcome to a world of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.

Ryan: Sometimes I think you talk just to make sounds.
Seth: Well, sometimes I do.

Seth: So when you lost your virginity, I was playing Magic: The Gathering.
Ryan: You're still playing Magic.
Seth: But not as much.

Seth: What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico.
Ryan: What happens in Mexico?
Seth: I don't know, because it stays there. That is why we must go.

Summer: My hair is frizzing out. I look like Howard Stern!
Seth: See, strangely, I feel like my Jew-fro benefits from this climate.
Summer: You're Jewish?
Seth: Yes. That's why I feel so comfortable in this desert heat.

Seth: So what's the GP, RA?
Ryan: I have no idea what you just said.
Seth: Game plan, Ryan Atwood.
Ryan: You're just using initials now?
Seth: Yeah, it saves time.
Ryan: Well, not if you have to translate.
Seth: GP.
Ryan: Game plan?
Seth: Good point.

Seth: I was like Nemo, Ryan. I found my way HOME.

Seth: My father, the struggling Jew from the Bronx... and my mother, Waspy McWasp.

Summer: Who gets passed by a van full of nuns? Oh, wait, Cohen does.
Seth: Well, they have God on their side, Summer. I'm not gonna beat Jesus.

Seth: You're the beauty, he's the braun, I'm the brains. This is perfect.
Summer: Great and what am I, Cohen?
Seth: Uh, the boobs? (Summer smacks him) The bitch?
Summer: OK, I'll take the boobs.
Seth: Hey, so will I.

Anna: [as Seth returns from the pool house, where he has been with Summer] Where have you been?
Seth: Ryan just asked me to feed his sea monkeys while he was away.
Anna: Ryan has sea monkeys? I love them! Can I see them?
Seth: No! Uh... you can't see them, that is, well, because they're dead. Suicide. You know how the holidays can be.

Seth: Marissa and Ryan were an epic tale. Summer and I are equally interesting. She was my shorty last year, but then she got served.